This Is The Perfect Penis Size, According To Women

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If you didn’t worry about the size of your member when you were growing up, you’ve either got a schlong, or you’re a liar.

Unfortunately, neither of those two criteria apply to me, so I spent a significant portion of my adolescence and later years worrying that I failed to measure up in the penis department.

As I grew up, I came to realise that my concern was unjustified, as like most things in my life, my penis was distinctly average. Not small, not exactly massive, but comforting and reassuringly average, and if you’d have offered me that as an uncertain 14-year-old, I’d have absolutely snapped your hand off.

I imagine for a great number of women, penis size really isn’t that big of a deal (and in some cases it actually might not be). I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that they’re more bothered about the person said penis is attached to, rather than lengths, girths and circumferences.

Still, that hasn’t stopped a number of medical folk investigating what the perfect penis looks like. In a study published by peer-reviewed science journal PLOS One, sexual psychophysiologist Dr. Nicole Prause, and a number of researchers from UCLA and the University of New Mexico, showed 75 women 100 different pictures of erect penises.

The lucky ladies narrowed the penises down to their favourite 33, which were then 3-D-printed onto blue plastic to “to minimize racial skin-color cues”. The women were then asked to put the blue phallus’ into two categories: ones they’d want on a long term partner, and those they’d want on someone for a one-night stand.

Shouldn’t scientists be spending this time on finding a cure for cancer?

Anyway, the results showed that for a long term relationship, women plumped for a length of 6.3 inches and a circumference of 4.8 inches. For a one-night stand, they wanted a length of 6.4 inches, and 5 inches all the way around.

Hang on a minute, so the difference in penis length between a long term partner and a one-night stand is 0.1 of an inch. How in the world does that make any difference?

‘6.3 inches? Yeah I’ll sleep with you once, but that’s as far as it will ever go.’

‘6.4 inches? Marry me.’

Also, I swear the world average for penis size is around 5.5 inches, so all this study has revealed is that women do like big dicks after all. In other news, the Pope is Catholic.

I guess my worrying as a youngster wasn’t completely unwarranted then if size really does matter…

Ahh well, who gives a shit, here I am talking about dick length and the world’s on the brink of World War III.

It’s interesting that it’s the North Koreans being so antagonistic when they have one of the smallest average penis sizes in the world.

Now it all makes sense…

Images via iStock

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