This Really Dodgy Condom Alternative Is A Bloke's Worst Nightmare
There’s a lot of stigma involved with condoms. Sure, most people in their early sex careers use them to a frankly frightening degree, but there’s always a member of your friends group who’s in a long-term relationship and goes bareback every time.
“Oh it’s so much better,” he’ll say, “you can feel everything and it’s so depressing going back to johnnies“. And then that’s it. That’s sex ruined for you because, understandably, the girls you’re with don’t want to go on the pill and you’re hardly going to get a vasectomy, are you?
What if there was an alternative where you didn’t have to encase your penis in a layer of latex? That would be nice. Well apparently there is, and it’s called the Jiftip.
But what is the Jiftip? It’s a sticker that you put on the end of your dick that quite literally clogs the urethra. Already it sounds very uncomfortable.
To apply it, you clean the tip of your penis and simply stick it over the head. That’s when you can start to “enjoy real sex without side effects”… such as pleasure.
It hurts to take stickers off your body, like fuck am I going to try that with the famously most sensitive part of me.
What’s most hilarious though is that the Jiftip totally doesn’t work. It’s marketed as an alternative to those pesky condoms but it only does like 10% of the things they do. Its only design feature is to stop pre-ejaculation leaking out of you. After that, it’s in your own hands as they say to pull out and remove the sticker for actual ejaculation… and nowhere near a vagina.
And it wasn’t just me saying it might hurt, apparently it really fucking kills to peel the sticker off.
Along with that, it doesn’t prevent pregnancy or the spread of STIs, but it does cause irritation and potentially serious harm to the ol’ reproductive and urinary systems… because that’s what happens when you essentially put a cork in your body to stop something that’s designed to leave you leaving you.
That being said, the second you get down to it with a lady and you pull one of these bad boys out, she’s leaving immediately. So in that sense, the Jiftip is 100% doing its job in stopping unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STIs. To top it all off, you can then treat yourself to a very uncomfortable posh wank once she’s out the door.
Just use condoms. They’re not even bad.
Images via Jiftip, iStock