Guy Reveals What It's Like To Live With Two Penises
Ever wondered what the first thing you’d do would be if you suddenly had two penises? Masturbate? Become the king of double penetration? Set up a reddit feed called “I am the guy with two pensises AMA.”
Obviously the latter, right?
One guy – using the aptly chosen pseudonym DoubleD*ckDude – who was blessed by the genital gods at birth – decided to put everyone’s imaginations to rest and laid himself, and his two penises, bare to the nosiest parkers on the internet.
The result? One of the most-commented reddit threads of all time (over 17,000 comments), a best-selling autobiography, Double Header: My Life With Two Penises, a follow-up Double Stuffed: Steamy Tales From My Sex Life With Two Penises released this weekend and many men and women opened up to a whole new world of fantasies.
But aside from the obvious questions answered at the top of the thread – yes they’re both fun-cum-tional, no he didn’t absorb a twin – we caught up with him to find out what else there is to know about life with double the genitals of your average Joe?
The Wonder Willy Itself
Does he have a favourite? Of course he does…
But before you feel too sorry for the left one, don’t worry, he told us he’s since had corrective surgery for some “plumbing issues” which ‘accidentally’ made them both an enormous eight inches… flacid:
Ouch. In case you were wondering, one always starts harder (the right) before the left one catches up, but a handy cock ring keeps them both equally excited. When it comes to weeing that troublesome “forked stream” is even worse with doubled up urethra. Oh and he can cum mulitple, multiple times on account of him having an “enormous prostate” (but only two balls)…
Growing Up With A Two-Headed Trouser Snake
His ma and pa knew he was going to be born with two penises from the ultrasound, so when he was born the doctor apparently yelled:
“Ten fingers, ten toes and hot damn, two penises, just like we expected!”
The condition is incredibly rare – only affecting one in 5.5 million babies – so if school’s a bit of a nightmare for people a little out of the ordinary e.g people with glasses, puppy fat, spots etc. it was always going to be hard for him…
But as this guy pointed out, it can’t have been all bad:
Sex With A Double Sausage
You might have been able to tell by the titles of his two books, but DoubleD*ckDude loves sex… like, really loves sex with both men and women. Although they’ve since broken up, at the time of the reddit thread he was in a monogamous relationship with both a man and a woman who were together before he met them.
One of his top FAQ’s is “Have you ever put both in a girl? You know, one in the pink, one in the stink?” (I mean, just imagine if that was something people frequently asked you). His answer:
“Yes, many many times. Also have put both in the pink, or both in the stink. Same for guys.”
It all sounds a bit cumbersome to me…
He doesn’t tend to pre-warn people about his assets, “I don’t talk about it otherwise… if I’m not going to have sex with you, you won’t know I’ve got two dicks lol”, which has led to a few people freaking out and leaving, but mainly the ‘boys’ go down well. The DP – ing does come with its set backs though…
He describes in his book a time when he banged a girl dressed as Princess Leia at a Halloween Party so hard that her cervix fell out:
“I couldn’t believe it, it looked like I actually had gone into it, it was wide open and red resting against the sofa cushion.”
Although this story is likely to have a liberal dose of exaggeration – I’m not sure if the above is medically possible – it gives you a pretty graphic idea of what being double-pronged must feel like.
Will we ever be able to put a face to the wonder-schlongs?
“No, absolutely not… There are a lot of people (mostly men) who believe that having two cocks would make their life great. It did not make mine great. When it was revealed in my last two years of high school, it made life hell. Once I graduated I went on a rebellious streak and ‘owned’ my c*cks. I was very open about it and everywhere I went, I was no longer ME. I was the guy with two c*cks….
My two c*cks are a part of me, they aren’t all I am.”
If you want to delve deeper into the world of DoubleD*ckDude, you can read the original thread here.