Men Are Contouring Their Penises Now Because... Why Not?

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Dick pics are tricky business. You never know whether the recipient is going to enjoy them even if they asked (obviously you should only be sending them on the condition that the other party asked (nicely)) and the fact of the matter is that dicks are ugly – it’s hard to make them pretty.

But what do some people do when they want to look prettier? That’s right, they put on makeup. So why not beautify your peen with some of that good bronzer? That’s exactly what popular YouTube makeup artist Jeffree Star does – he’s a big fan.

In a video with Shane Dawson, he said “I contour my shaft a lot“, explaining that if you do it when it’s erect, it will still look big by the time it goes flaccid.

It’s by no means a new practice either, with plenty of tutorials appearing on the web on how to contour one’s penis. But only after Jeffree Star revealed that he’s partial, it might become more common practice… for some reason.

But since Jeffree didn’t go into huge amounts of detail, how does one accentuate one’s penis with the help of makeup? To help you with that, Metro.co.uk got in touch with makeup artist Hannah Sorcha, who shared her wisdom for the cause:

When it comes to contouring, it’s all about creating shape and definition.

Penises come in all shapes and sizes, and some (I guess) could do with a helping hand.

I’d start by using getting a contour palette and using a darker (probably more ashy tone) along the side of the shaft to create a bit of definition and the illusion of more length.

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From here we can go to just below the bellend, if we create a shadow under there it can, once again, create the illusion of a bigger bellend.

When it comes to highlighting, we would need to work out where the light would naturally fall on the shaft – which would be the line down the middle.

This opens up the space making it look bigger!

It sounds entirely possible but I can’t understand why. If you’re doing it to send dick pics, the recipient could only be disappointed when they see it in person. And if you’re doing it to be seen in person, the makeup would just rub off once the penis has been… used.

Fill your boots, I guess.

Images via iStock

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