These Are The Most Viewed Porn Videos On The Internet

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So before we start, I want to make it clear that I didn’t surf through every single film, VHS and DVD ever made to put together this list of the most viewed porn videos going – instead I stuck to the internet.

And where best to look on the internet than a wanker’s best friend, Pornhub?!

So with that in mind, choosing the the top 21 categories (or the BIG 21 as no-one calls them), I found the most visited videos worldwide. I don’t want to say that the answers were shocking because I really don’t know what I was expecting… the answers were… answers?

1. British

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Fake Taxi dominated the British category, rather unsurprisingly. My only experience with it is through the memes but hey-ho!

2. Lesbian

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So I watched this one (at work, calm down) to see what merited the 26 million views but it’s just a lot of cunnilingus under a table and, every now and then, when one of them moans, a guy from out of shot can be heard shouting “girls, what’s going on down there?!”. That’s it.

3. Hentai

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Not even hentai.

4. Anal

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She’s famous, apparently.

5. Japanese

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The vagina and dicks in this were already pixelated and yet, despite that, not a single frame, with all of its censoring and more that I could add, was suitable to be on our site… so here’s a geisha…

6. Cartoon

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So, so weird. Who’s watching Ben 10 and thinking “oooh I fancy a wank… just not a change in genre”?

7. Mature

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She’s a lot older than she looks in this shot.

8. Big Dick

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Hardly a surprise now, is it?

9. Teen

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You can’t see it from this screenshot but fast-forwarded quite a lot and Kimmy Granger really does like it rough…

10. Big Tits

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Christ, say what you see, eh? Who came up with that title?

11. Creampie

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Pfft I dunno what to say for this one. Voodoo is apparently the name of one of the pornstars.

12. Milf (this was second after that same Farrah Abraham anal video)

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It’s sort of unfair that Farrah Abraham was in the MILF category. Technically yes, she’s a mother, but her whole thing is that she’s a teen mum. Teens already have a category.

13. For Women

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Awww how lovely and sensual… for the women?

14. Young/Old

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Creepy and not a clue what was going on with that title. There should be a comma after ‘daddy’ and what is ‘dolling’? Doing? ‘Thlsss?” This? Is their ‘I’ key broken?

15. Threesome

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That’s at least a foursome.

16. Babe (this was third after the same Kimmy Granger and ‘Fucking Hot’)

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Again, nothing to add.

Distract her from what?

17. Public Places

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Apparently the timing and weather is important.

18. Verified Amateurs

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Had no idea that would be a category. Are they like YouTubers?

19. Masturbation

#

Five star babe? Hot hot hot?

20. Squirt

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They sure do.

21. Gay

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There was no part of this that wasn’t far too graphic… even with pixelation (similar to the Japanese video, in that sense). So here’s Spongebob with a rainbow and the GayRoom.com logo.

That’s not a title. They’re just random words.

Well there you have it. When I joined this company, my mum used to ask me to send her all of the articles I wrote. I’m so glad she lost interest.

Images via iStock, Porn Hub, Fake Taxi, Reality Kings, Brazzers, Nikelodeon

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