How To Tell If Someone Fancies You

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You’ll often get the thing where you’re talking to someone you don’t really know with your friends there, it will seem like a pleasant conversation and then, when the new person leaves, your friends will be like “mate, you’re an idiot! They so fancied you and you did nothing!

And with that, that lovely new person will be out of your life forever and you’ll have thrown away the perfect chance to find love – or at least have gotten laid. Boo.

So to make sure that never happens again, here’s a few signs that someone fancies you so you know if and when to make the move…

  1. They talk to you

If you’re a guy and you want to know whether a girl fancies you, the easy thing to remember is “if they’re talking to you, they want to have sex with you”. It’s one of the simple truths of life that you just have to be aware of.

You’ve probably heard a girl moaning before about guys just wanting to have sex with them and not being friends but, let’s be honest, that’s not true. Why else would they be talking to you? To be polite?! Not bloody likely.

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  1. They don’t laugh at your jokes

If you fancied someone and you didn’t want them to immediately know, would you tell them that you constantly think about being with them and making sweet, sweet love to them? No, you wouldn’t. That’s exactly what laughing at your crush’s jokes looks like; no matter how hilarious the quip you made was, if they laugh, THEY DO NOT FANCY YOU.

What you want is for you to keep cracking out a load of jokes and for them to remain stone-faced and, seemingly, unimpressed. That’s how you know you’re onto a winner.

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  1. They don’t reply to your text immediately or at all

You’ll know that if you fancy someone and they text you, you’re reaching unprecedented speeds to pick your phone up and get straight back to them, right? That’s why you would have thought that someone who fancies you would do the same but the fact of the matter is that you’re totally on your own there.

You’re unique and texting back is your mind and your mind only. They don’t want to seem keen, do they? That’s exactly why they’re leaving you on blue ticks. Don’t even be surprised if they don’t give you their number/block you. If that happens, you know that they’re really game.

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  1. They start dating someone else

Anyone will tell you that eliciting jealousy is the key to any healthy relationship and that’s exactly what your crush is trying to do with you when they start dating some other loser.

So while some idiots will start to think that all hope is lost once someone who they thought was into them starts going out with another person, for us wise few, we know that it’s in fact god closing a window and opening all of the doors in the world to compensate.

“Hey, [Alfie], this is my boyfriend, [Adam]… so yeah, I have a boyfriend now. You got that? Okay I don’t want any more weird messages from you about my feet or my elbows. I officially have a boyfriend now and he’s great and you’re pathetic.” Might as well be a welcome mat.

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  1. You have sex with them and afterwards they say something like “oh god this was a mistake” or rush you out of the house

So you got them into bed after a night out and you think it’s going great. The sex was probably a bit too wild for the first time and you could maybe put that down to the amount of drinks taken but hey-ho, you’re not one to complain.

Afterwards they’ll lovingly pass out and, the next day, that’s when the real magic will happen. They’ll wake up, rub their head and/or eyes, look over to you and groan. They might even say something like “oooh no/shit/fuck”. You’ll smile back at them as they sit on the edge of the bed with their head in their hands – you may even see a tear or two if you’re lucky – they’ll then get up, rush to the bathroom and come back out clothed.

“You can’t stay. I *uhhh* have to go and see my dying nan,” they’ll say. “I’m sorry, I had a really *gags* good night. But get out…” they’ll continue.

The reasons for this are similar to that of the most recent two points. They want to keep you wanting more whilst not looking too keen and, also, not to be vulgar, they want to touch themselves thinking about the last night’s experience.

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  1. You never hear from them again

The fact of the matter is that girls are insecure and you’re great. They know that you’re great and, while they may be good enough for you (not bloody likely) they’ll think to themselves that they’re not.

“He’s too perfect”, “I don’t deserve lovin’ of that calibre”, etc…

It’s sad but that’s just the way the world is. It’s very likely that you may never find true love because all of the girls and boys that want you know that they’re not good enough for you.

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Don’t worry, you get used to it after a while. I did.

And before you start saying that this is horrible advice, just remember this; I’m deeply insecure.

Images via iStock

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