10 Of The Weirdest Sex Toys Out There


While sex toys can bring a lot of sparkle to an otherwise dying sexual relationship, there are some products on the market that inspire only disbelief.  

Check out some of the weirdest…

This Mouth..

One of the least sexy things that we’ve ever seen, this fake mouth is exactly the kind of thing that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to find lying around your flat. She’d either not quite get what it was for, or understand disturbingly clearly.

No thanks…


Buy one here.

Sqweel Go

The main selling point of this “oral sex simulator” is that it’s portable. Whenever (and more importantly, wherever) the need takes you, you can indulge in some sweet, sweet cunnilingus.

A bonus? If anyone sees it and asks what it is, you can just claim that it’s a portable fan. And then hope that they don’t ask to use it…


Buy it here

Oral Sex Light

The main problem with going down on people? The lack of an adequate light source. You might think that you’re doing the work of some sex god, but unless you can see for certain, how are you supposed to know? Is that a vagina? or just a crease in the thigh..?

And do you know what’s sexy? Having a bright light shined directly into your private parts.


Buy it here

Portable Glory Hole

Why does this exist, and where the hell would you take it? We have no idea, but surely the point of a glory hole is that you don’t know who’s on the other side… Are people taking these into public places, sticking their bits through and waiting for like-minded individuals to partake?

We can only imagine…


Buy one here

Putin Butt Plug

If you want to make a political statement, and get your rocks off, then now’s your time to shine. Thanks to the advent of this Putin butt plug, you can shove the Russian President up your arse.

Words we’ve all been waiting to hear.


Buy one here

Blow-Job Machine

This is apparently a blow-job machine, which suggests that if you put your dick into that massive nozzle, it’ll somehow simulate oral sex. We seriously admire anyone brave enough to give it a try, because quite frankly that looks like a hairdryer on LSD…


No idea where you’d buy one, but apparently they have them in Japan. 

“Mr. Jack with a Moustache”

This looks like a prop from a horror film, but actually it’s just a fleshlight with a moustache. Because why not…


Currently sold out on Amazon. Sorry. 

Horny Goat Weed

Not something that sounds all that appetising, “horny goat weed” is apparently an aphrodisiac (so not technically a sex toy – sorry) that works for both men and women.

In one Amazon review, a person (male or female, we don’t know) said “I feel like Jason Statham after 4 capsules.” That’s got us intrigued…


Buy it here

Two-Sided Male Masturbatory Device

Got a penis and need somewhere to put it? This male masturbatory device gives you more than one option. You can simulate a blowjob on one side (with “magic tongue” and “upgraded realistic teeth”) or spin the thing around and put it in the “3D realistic vagina” for “vagina sex.”

Innovative AF.


Buy it here

Bacon Condoms

While flavoured condoms aren’t exactly a rarity, these bacon ones have us perplexed. You see, not only are they flavoured with “baconlube”, but they also “make your meat look like meat”… 

Do some people look at bacon and wish they could fuck it? Because otherwise, why would you want a penis to look like it dropped off an all-day breakfast?


We can’t find these specific condoms for sale in the UK, but you can buy a random assortment of flavoured condoms here.

Let us know what you think in the comments! 

Images via iStock / Amazon / WhatCulture

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