Is This The Most Demanding Birthday Invitation Ever?

Birthdays. For most of us they’re wonderful occasions where the sanctity of life is celebrated amongst yourself, your friends, and your family.

They’re even more important when the age you have reached ends in a zero but more important, still, is the first birthday. The first birthday is the most meaningful as it allows everyone to mingle and say “I can’t believe it’s been a year already!” to which the only reply is “I know! Mad isn’t it?!”

Apparently, however, the people who sent out this email invitation for their son’s first birthday party didn’t get the memo about the whole ‘fun’ vibe.

If you can’t be bothered to read that, here’s some of the highlights!

With [name redacted]’s birthday coming up, we thought we’d ask for 4 items that he will really get a lot of use out of in the coming months. I provided my mom and sister-in-law [name redacted] with a list of 4 other items [name redacted] would like for his birthday so that they can buy from their list and avoid duplication. We’re asking for gifts only from grandparents and the direct aunt/uncle for [name redacted]’s birthday party, and similar to Christmas, would like to restrict it to 2 items total per household.

– If you choose to get [name redacted] something that isn’t on this list, anytime regardless of birthdays or holidays, please be sure to always include a receipt going forward. When we return items without receipts, we only get about 50% of the value, so it is like throwing money away if you don’t include a receipt with the gifts. With formula costing us $80 a week, it is always nice to be able to return items that he doesn’t need to get formula instead.

– We would suggest no more books beyond the one Cheerios cited above. Right now, [name redacted] has 32 board books on his shelf, and 25 additional books waiting for him in storage once he is 3+ years of age. (And at this point, he hates when we try reading to him.)

– Please refrain from any personalized gifts that would be used outside of the house. Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping, so we don’t need to broadcast [name redacted] name on clothing or toys.