8 Rules For Making Sure You're Not 'The Clingy One'
Clingy, we’ve all been there. It’s in our nature. When you cant help but really like him, and he’s on your mind, and you know that you two would make an amazing couple. Here are the tell-tale signs of clinginess and how to avoid scaring him away.
1. Be genuinely busy
Are you constantly texting him? Wondering why he’s not texting you? Double texting him when he hasn’t replied? If this is the case then chances are, you’re waist deep in the clingy pool.
We know the typical advice is to make sure you aren’t always around to receive his calls or reply to his texts immediately, but if this leaves you waiting around for a few hours purposefully not responding to his texts purely for the sake of it, you might need a priority re-check. Not to say we haven’t all been there, done that, and worn the t-shirt to bed – but how much more satisfying would it be if you were genuinely too busy out living your amazing life to be available to chat with him 24/7?
Take up a hobby, something you’ve always wanted to do. Think of something you wanted to do when you were little and add ‘adult classes’ on the end, and Google it. Done. And don’t sacrifice them for your latest date; if you have salsa on Thursdays then he better know you’re a busy woman every Thursday. You can’t be clingy if you’re too busy knitting, ladies!
2. Let them initiate from time to time
This links to point numero uno, don’t be the one always starting the conversations and making the plans. Just live your life, do your knitting, and if he wants to see you he’ll hit you up and make plans. And if he doesn’t make contact, his loss. He’s probably just not that interested. You’ll move on to the next guy, no clinging to be seen.
3. Date the field
Until you have verbally agreed that you two are an item, and that you will not see other people, you are well within your rights to date around. And no, just because you really like the guy doesn’t mean you should stop playing the field. In fact, quite the opposite. At least if you’re out dating, you’re not obsessing over him and getting your clingy on. Plus, dating several guys is a total ego boost.
4. Let their ex’s remain in the past
We know you want to stalk her until 2012. We also know you probably already have. We also know you have probably debated how cute they were as a couple. Let it end here. There’s a reason they broke up, and as much as you think you do, you don’t want to know it. Don’t bring her up, and if he brings her up, don’t say anything. Just glance subtly at your watch and change the subject, ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
5. Avoid him on social media
Do you find yourself checking his social media all the time? Is his name the first suggestion when you go to search for something on Facebook? We’re afraid you girl, have officially caught the cling.
In the future, avoid having your dates on Facebook at all. An alien concept, we know. Don’t add them on Facebook, follow them on Instagram or Twitter and most importantly, if you met them on Tinder; unmatch them. Not only does it stop you from being able to obsess over his sporadic posts (and that photo he was tagged in with that hot blonde girl), it also keeps the mystery. If you’re not an item, your budding relationship will benefit from not already knowing his birthday, siblings and day to day activities.
And on the plus side, you’ll seem super mysterious, aloof and cool. Say goodbye to your old clingy self!
6. Don’t over analyze what he says.
“[men] are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say.” A wise woman once said. By wise, we mean some lady in Fifty Shades, but the point still stands, okay? If he says he likes you, chances are it probably means just that; he likes you. And enough to actually say it to you.
And sometimes we get so carried away analyzing what’s in their message to appreciate that they messaged you in the first place. For example, you haven’t spoken in around a week and he texts you out of the blue on New Years Day with a kissy emoji (omg, text the girls) to wish you a good new year. You start trying to read into his words, how many kisses he put at the end, why he hadn’t messaged you earlier. When in reality, you were on his mind enough that he wanted to wish you a Happy New Year’s. Key phrase: you were on his mind.
Take what he says at face value and don’t get butt hurt if you haven’t heard from him in a while. He’s already following the first step and is living his life, doing his thing, so go do yours.
7. If you feel him pulling away, let him
We’ve all been there, the more distant they become the more desperate we are for their attention. But logically, it makes no sense. There’s no use fighting for someone who’s showing the signs of not wanting you. Turning on the cling will just make the situation worse and quicken his exit. Give it time, date around and put him to the back of your mind for a few days/weeks. Chances are you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised when he calls you wanting to make plans. If not, you’ve already started sourcing his replacement anyway.
8. Understand your worth
Are you always aware when he meets an attractive woman? Wonder if he’s checking that girl’s butt out? Are you overly aware of the girl who just entered in a bikini, but he hasn’t even noticed? Can’t help but grind your teeth every time he’s tagged in a photo with another woman? You’re clinging in the worst way, but we’ve all been there.
Understand your own value. You’re a hot commodity and you’re the one he’s been taking on dates, not her. And who cares if he is taking her, because you know your value and that he’d be lucky to have you. Maybe it’s your intelligence, humour, or good looks, he finds you attractive so don’t undermine that by being openly insecure. Say you’re at a bar together, and a particularly attractive woman enters. If you notice, he notices. And if you act intimidated or bothered by her presence, in his mind he’ll automatically rate her above you too. It’s that cliche old saying we all hate, but you can only ever be you so just do it. Don’t even pay attention to other women when you’re with him and he will follow suit.
The same goes for how you talk about other women. Don’t be the bitch, who is constantly putting down other girls, it only makes you seem insecure and unpleasant.
So here’s to a less clingy 2015. Let us know in the comments if you have any other tips and tricks!