9 Reasons Why Being a Man Utd Fan is Like Going through a Divorce
1. The Best Is Behind You
Let’s face it, most Man Utd fans joined because they were winning all the time. They saw the lights, had the football equivalent of sex on a regular basis and decided to jump in for the long term. Now the sex has dried up, the boss isn’t as attractive as when you first jumped into bed, and you’re beginning to realise that it’s either stick with something that could become very depressing, or jump ship.
2. You Prefer Europe
On the continent is the only place that Man Utd have shown anything like good form, and the same can be said for men going through a divorce, those European girls suddenly seem a lot more attractive, and those lads holidays seem a lot more alluring.
3. Boasting about when you used to be good in Bed
The wife just isn’t happy anymore, you’ve lost your mojo, but you still remind your friends about ‘the night of five times,’ or in a Man Utd fans case, the treble.
4. Dressing Room Trouble
She used to let you wear bright pink shirts and a Mickey Mouse tie. The first sign that your wife thinks you’re a loser is when she starts criticising your attire, and you’ve lost the dressing room. We all know that Moyes is lacking faith from certain quarters, and he needs to drop the Mickey Mouse tie pronto
5. Spending Big in an Emergency
Juan Mata, the great talent that he is, was an emergency buy to try and boost morale. What do men do when they are in the dog house? Enough said
6. The Sister is more Attractive
Manchester City are looking very hot right now, and yet nobody used to notice them and their suave way of carving open defences. When the marriage hits the rock, the sister becomes the focus of attention.
7. The Kids Want to go with Their Mother
When push comes to shove the kids normally choose their mother. The young stars of today, the good ones, not your Tom Cleverly’s, they aren’t choosing Man Utd at the moment.
8. The Little Things that Used to be so Cute
Remember when she used to do little things that you found adorable, such as her insistence on taking up three quarters of the bed, and now they have become annoying to a Pistorious extent. Isn’t that how Utd fans felt about Cleverly, Nani, and Wellbeck? All of these arguably average players that they still adored because they were winning. What do they think of them now?
9. The Arrogance of a Happy Couple
We all detest the smug arrogance of a happily married couple as they dish out advice to those in troubled relationships whilst judging from afar. It’s when that advice feels hollow, and when you realise you should be maintaining your own garden instead of others, that you realise you’re going through a divorce.