14 Things Blokes Think When Going Down On Women
6) Are we going to have sex soon? (Just to let any girls reading this know, this one is pretty much being thought the whole time. It’s also being thought when a man isn’t giving oral, like when he’s engaging you in casual conversation, or eating a hot dog, or sleeping. Men are thinking this about every woman they come into casual contact with, all day, every day).
7) Whatever happened to Michelle McManus? Is she still making music? I have to remember to Google her later.
8) My facial hair is going to smell like vagina later. I think I’m ok with this. I know I’m ok with this.
9) Lying on my stomach with an erection isn’t ideal. Where the fuck do I put my d**k right now? Ok, I’m going to try to just point it down… Nope, that doesn’t work. Everything happening to my d**k is awful right now. Would she notice if I cut a hole in the mattress and made myself a c**k burrow? Probably. Suck it up.
10) I STILL CAN’T TELL IF HER EYES ARE CLOSED FROM THIS ANGLE. IS SHE LOOKING AT ME? SHOULD I WINK OR SOME S**T?!
11) Okay, she’s arching her back. Her right leg is twitching. I’m the f***ing man right now. Come on, don’t lose focus. Do not forget to look up Michelle McManus’ career trajectory later.
12) SHE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING MY HEAD WITH HER THIGHS OH MY GOD WHERE DID SHE GET THIS STRENGTH FROM SHE IS PUSHING MY HEAD INTO HER VAGINA IF THIS IS HOW I AM GOING TO DIE THEN SO BE IT I WILL LEAVE THIS WORLD AS I CAME INTO IT GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD.
13) She came? Yeah. Yeah? Ok, yeah. I’m allowed up now. Or am I? What?
14) Alright, I’m going to wait for about two seconds and then just try and put my penis in her vagina. No fear.