9 Facts About The Average Man

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5) Over the course of his lifetime, he will waste a full month looking for his socks – The easiest excuse not to do the washing up we’ve ever heard.

6) Throughout the course of his life he will apologise 1.9 million times – Don’t let her make a tally, whatever you do.

7) Each year, on average, he spends £570 on clothes, £1,144 on beer, £2,189 on gadgets and £417 on eating out – They’re all fine and dandy, except the eating out thing. Don’t let her get wind of that or you won’t be eating in again. EVER.

8) On the delicate subject of penis size, when standing proud the average love-length measures between 14 and 16cm (5.5 and 6.3 inches) – If she calls it ‘cute’ or makes an ‘awwww’ sound you can grab your ruler and show her this fact. That’ll teach her.

9) And finally, the average man will die aged 78.66 (compared to the average woman, who lives to be 82.64) – As soon as she hears this she’ll make you her bitch. Don’t let that happen.

Good luck everyone. Over and out.

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